i got sarah back, you remember sarah, dont you? well, your paper sister remembers her. any way, i get her back after a few emails and begging.

why i am writing this here? i dont know. i just felt like saying it to the whole world, although i know no body reads this blog.

مش اول مرة احضر حاجة زي كده، بس كل مرة بتطلع في دماغي نفس الفكرة، انا بعمل ايه هنا؟!!! الموضوع ان دايما الصالون بيبقى دايما عن حاجة زي مناقشة كتاب انا مقريتهوش . و حكاية مناقشة دي متنفعش معايا. متنفعش لان انا مش بعرف انقد و دايما معنديش راي.
طبعا زي مهو واضح ، انا فاشل في الكتابة. لكن الحاجة اللي انا فاشل بجد فيها هي التواصل الانساني. مش بعرف اتكلم مع حد وجها لوجه، دايما بفضل الكلام عالنت. الكلام عالنت بيبقى اسهل لان انا عمليا بكلم شاشة الكمبيوتر ، و شاشة الكمبيوتر ميهمهاش اسلوب الكلام و مبتاخدش بالها من تعبيرات الوش.

i don’t know why people always assume that i love English ? it is really annoying. does being very good at it mean i love it ? not to mention that people tend to exaggerate in describing how good i am. they exaggerate too much that there was a rumor when i was in high school that i was better than the teacher, just because i gave him answers he didn’t expect a student would know.  the thing that is really weird is that i didn’t work on my English at all until i finished high school.

after high school, my friends started talking about taking English courses. then they went to this center in Tanta and started that course they were talking about. i don’t really remember why i didn’t go with them, but i ended up taking the English course at the AUC. now you see, i didn’t take that course because i wanted to, i only did because i didn’t want to be the only one who didn’t.

when i started the course, i found out that out of 13 levels, i will have to take the last two only, which proves my point. i didn’t work hard to be good at this and it makes me feel that i don’t deserve it.

when i first started reading in English, i was in the first year of prep school (6th grade) and i only did that because i wanted to be unique. in primary school, i was the only kid in class who read extra curricular, but when i moved up  to the prep school, every one was reading so, i started reading in English. i didn’t understand anything i was reading, but the fact that i always had a book or a magazine in English made me very unique.

i don’t really remember why or when i stopped reading in Arabic, listening to Arabic music and watch Arabic films. i just woke up one day and found that i don’t. now i really hate these things (well, to be honest, i still can enjoy a good Arabic book ). the thing is, i am afraid the people might have pushed me to this point. now every time i admire an Arabic song the i happen to hear some where, people get surprised, and then start mocking me. the same thing happens with movies, every time i say i want to see a movie i hear stuff like “since when do you watch Arabic movies ?”

the bottom line is, i hate English, but i cant help the fact that i am very good at it. i hate English because people define me with my English, and my English is not who i am.

ps: i may have made a huge amount of typing and grammar errors. and maybe i should have used less words to give the same meaning . but my English isn’t that good.

Today is september 14, and this is the first post in my new blog. i basically started this blog to see how wordpress worled runs as i was offered a position as an author in one of wordpress’s most popular blogs in the arab world. and i gotta say, word press seems more complicated than blogger, but i think i can figur out  how things run